11 July 2009

“He will never worship well the image on the altar who knew it when it was a trunk of wood”

I am at work now, 'biding time. I will leave here, make a too quick stop at the bookstore, load the truck and set out through traffic to the north coast and into the woods. There is a peace I am expecting from those woods. It will not greet me as I arrive late this evening, nor tomorrow, but I have faith it will come; it will come as I rise early giving time no abide or inhabiting a book, look up to be suprised at company, or listening to the children roaming freely - bug bitten, half naked dirty and happy. It might come in our pitched black cabin, letting the peace seep into our life together. God knows we need it. It might come around a fire communing with the flame and naked bodies there.

It will probably come as I walk a path in the dark under the narrow strip of sky the trees allow, or as I, solitary, attend to my daily tasks.

My pleasure comes from those I love, my peace comes from myself.

I am signing off for two weeks. Any logging will be done with ink and paper.

I have not yet began the bible as I had planned. I am taking Milton with me though.
My promised when I return:
begin bible
make kayaking a priority
learn to make and make cider, pickles and jam
make children's room a habitable place
find that jab I've been waiting for
be outside more

04 July 2009

the riddle that answers itself...

It's here as much as it ever really gets here.
We are heading off to Nevada for a shared celebration, to the middle of Nevada, past the "town" of Middlegate and on to the hot springs. Last time we were there, Tifany took close ups of the moon.
There is something notable about our destination.

Our point of departure will be my mother's house of course. What is funny about my family is that I have had a strange sense of foreboding and have been reluctant to contact them recently. Meanwhile, my first brother has packed up his business and is leaving to rural Idaho two days before I roll in to town. My second brother has returned from what appears to have been the lackluster trip to Mexico with our Dad that I had to opt out of. He is so far tight mouthed about it. In fact, only my mother has been in touch.
My youngest brother will be there. I hope our interaction is positive. I feel somehow some sort of remorse toward the other two and a fear of resentment.

The last time I saw my youngest brother was when he came through on the way home for summer break from college. On a lark we took a natural pscychadelic together (and of course the house joined in save 'M'. Who babysat and eventually got cozy with my brother. That experience, or rather my experience is the source of the title of this blog. A phrase I used along with others similar to describe how I felt and what I thought I was realizing. I would like to go into further detail at a later time, as I have yet to feel different about it. Life is the riddle that answers itself.

Next week...family camp. I hope I return before then. I have a lot I'd like to write about that I've been putting off.