26 November 2015

Regarding Favorite Books


My favorite books reside, generally in unmarked cardboard, or if they are loquacious, are marked 'Free' on the side of the urban street. Otherwise they hail from basement-like bookshelves near the backs of used bookstores and thrift stores. I rarely pay more than a Dollar.
Death in the Andes by Mario Vargas Llosa This book has become mythological in my mind. I return to it in visions, grotesque and violent - intimacies of what I intend of life, my place in the violence of oppression and resistance, my violences, my relations. I should probably read it again. Its been a while.
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller Jr. A surprising find and a somewhat forgotten sci-fi classic in the modern pop-sci-fi world. Most likely for its religious undertones. It's perhaps an examination of a search for meaning where meaning may not be, but as well the improbable creation of meaning there. A sort of abiogenesis of will.
The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell I found and started the first book of this set on the weekend of my wedding at the Henry Miller Library in Big Sur, which is interesting for the close relationship between Miller and Durrell. These books are so well written and so capture the tension of living as colonizer in a colonized world (which would he prefer?). Nothing so linear and concrete, because what he is really addressing is the convergence of western and eastern metaphysics and the tension of inhabiting that space.
Wind, Sand, and Stars by Antoine Saint-Exupéry It was originally called 'Terre Des Hommes' in the original french. This is the first of the slight, back pocket books I will recall. The print was at least forty years old and my reading it literally destroyed the copy, till by the end I was grasping at a rubber band strapped dog-eared yellowed out of order copy with perhaps, most of its original pages. This one is just a parcel of contemplation at the far reaches of (then) forward human achievement, over, with and at the mercy of timeless and static human achievement.
All the Kings Horses and Other Stories by Anthony C West. Oh, a collection of shining little pearls of growing into adulthood and out of pure communion with nature, of the disreputable who never quite do, of growing back into it with death, and sex. Sex in the pure way of half guilted desire that pulls like that lost free connection. This reads like D.H. Lawrence condensed.
The Favorite Game by Leonard Cohen. It is not great, maybe not even that good, but it points toward an embryonic great with intensity. It is a more sexually deviant Catcher in the Rye. I get the feeling the title character (Cohen himself) is more likely to flame out brilliantly through vague egoistic sexual sub-violences than through the end of a gun. In that way, aside from having that specific New England type class assertions, I feel an uneasy pride in my affinity for this early attempt
The Temple of the Golden Pavilion by Yukio Mishima In my mind Mishima is often dancing about a conversation: the reply to ideology from the real and the often violent answer back. Knowing about his life and having read his later works, I can know that this was a very real tension within him and his Buddhism, japanese nationalism and sexuality. But this was the first piece I found and the theme shined through and onto me at that stage of life (about the time I saw the film based on his novel 'the sailor who fell from grace with the sea'. A very good and under-rated film)
John Dos Passos USA Trilogy, because its about a hundred years old, its is about industry and labor, the strenuous age, it is about every sad ultimate end of our Horatio Alger myth, it is about the seeming individual inevitability of the first world war and just because its as good as Fitzgerald and Hemingway and no one seems to read it anymore
It may be noted, and I have, that the list is primarily white and is all male. I have attempted to rectify this with mixed results
this year came into my hands:
The Man who Cried I Am by John A Williams About an erudite and cosmopolitan black novelist in the sixties. It stands on its own as a powerful work of male ego-centric postwar literature like the Phillip Roth, Saul Bellow Norman Mailer et al., yet has the distinction of probing the africa american experience through modern history within and without the borders of the US
Soledad Brother the letters of George Jackson At the same time as above, a friend handed me her copy of this book that changed her life. It is truly a heartbreaking work or staggering genius with no tongue in cheek, no hyperbole. Reading a man finding his nobility in being and his intelligence while simultaneously discovering the system's antagonism and valued disregard of him is a real and modern version of any of Camus' works. All within the walls of California's prisons with a de-facto and eventually carried out death sentence.
The Dark Night of Resistance by Daniel Berrigan is the journal of a priest in hiding in the seventies after his protest action of the vietnam war. It is a good primer for an understanding and engagement with an idea of a true religious conscience in action. Not a black man, but a timely accompaniment to the above and I found it at the same time. So it goes with the universe.
Finally, not a find, but a rare and rather expensive purchase: Poems for the Millennium in two volumes. Not much has done more to shatter and splinter my assumptions of language and reality, to cause me to purposely disregard rules (so called), to leverage time and history within a creative voice and to improve my writing than this collection.
There are always more and always changing and the classics are always worming around (Moby Dick is probably my actual favorite, Mildred Pierce, Mother Night, the Colossus of Maroussi, ... ) these are favorites that have found me rather unknown, and certainly unspoken of and unread by most of todays younger literati. I know because I have spoken enthusiasm to blind eyes and whats? I know there are no women on this list. I try and struggle to find women authors I connect with but don't beat myself up over it too much. It may be I prefer male authors the same way I tend to prefer female radio DJs and songwriters/musicians/bands. I'll keep up the search though, internal and external.

23 November 2015

Postcard 42



I am working today with a pristine hangover. The clouds are gently scrubbing the grimy bay sky and the rain is around me like cool steam. I am gazing out at the world from behind my eyes, from the back of my head. I am behind and through myself. Last night, someone hanged themself from a tree on the low hill between the lagoon and the bay. Hopefully our local homeless man will not have the blame for that imposed upon him. He seems to catch the rest. He is a nice guy, singing and smiling, friendly until he gets enough spray paint cans to huff. then he is irrational and aggressive. Whoever proposed that human beings are rational actors was a victim of their own fallacy. 

My understanding of karma is the connections we refuse to let go of as we move through life. Like velcro hooks, or threads with the spools spinning and smoking till the line is spent, then -- ouch, Karma.
Hmm. Imagine a much more holistic experience: pain is intergenerational, transferred through our genes, so that we are born scarred and in pain. So that you imagine a child composed almost entirely of infinitesimal scars, fading as the violence fades. Among us, the most damaged would have the most concern with history. 
How did this happen? they ask.
We know, and we must remember, they reply. 
Where are the scars of the perpetrators, who's actions are a deadening cancer? 

I came upon a homeless man, unfamiliar in my park.
He had all his belongings, sensible and esoteric, spread out carefully on a table. 
How are you today? I asked. 
I'm just here for some peace. 

Why doesn't pleasure and joy leave scars?

17 November 2015

Postcard 41


Movie studios often used to keep a person on set called a Wildy, who was often drunk. The Wildy's job was to come up with what happened next. An example is: Laurel and Hardy are moving an upright piano across a ramshackle rope bridge is the Swiss Alps. The planks break and physically comedic misadventures ensue. What next Wildy? A gorilla emerges. Wildy brings it from the left.

In the first World War, battleships were painted with garish colors -- pinks, emeralds, turquoises -- in disorienting patterns of broken stripes and asymmetric plaids. It was designed to disrupt the visual estimation of the ship's speed and bearing, and it was very effective. The camouflage was called razzle dazzle.

Bernoulli called it Spira Mirablis. It is also called the golden spiral, or more generally the logarithmic spiral. At every scale it persists in the created world. From space to the subatomic, nature approximates it. It is tempting to take a pythagorean view and ascribe a mystical pre-existing formal reality to the mathematical description we call Φ. Reality, though is much less elaborate, I feel, but no less profound. We say that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but we don't account for friction. 
The universe has determined that the most efficient way to respond to the hazards of movement through its own laws is to deflect, to bend, to deviate, to curve, to parry, sheer, slew and slip, to swerve and to whirl.

10 November 2015

Postcard 40




Three quarters of people report having had a transcendental experience. Many say that, though it was the best moment of their lives, they did not wish to have it again. Perhaps this is a heartening aberration in a culture of excess. After all, even transcendence can be gluttonized. Our life expectancy has, in recent years, been ever expanding. There are men of science, taken quite seriously, why say we can conquer death, through medicine, replication, or by becoming androids. This only proves that science does not make one wise nor cure the existential fear of death. I will only briefly mention the so called revolution that brought us the hand held computers we call phones. These ever-present miracles of design keep us forever in the future. We are alienated from the present and ignore the past. The future has no room for thought or nuance. The future has only room for desire and envy. Now the most recent magic offered us is gene splicing. It has become incredibly efficient to design genes and moral boundaries are crumbling or ephemeral. The fear is a Gattica-like situation, a designed elite and an undesigned hoi polloi. What can't we do with the human body! never mind that each of our bodies is capable of extraordinary feats of strength, endurance, compassion, tenderness, intelligence, interconnectivity and transcendence -- extraordinary feats to which most never reach.
Life and death are integrate and compose each moment. Living and dying is hard and so is reaching. Trying to eliminate one decomposes and disintegrates the other. 
When has what's promised been better than what is?

05 October 2015

Postcard 39

 
I am looking at a map of the world. Every inch is claimed and each infant opens eyes to a contract it will never sign. We can walk across borders but we cannot walk off -- an easy stroll into our own sovereign self. I am looking at the Earth/Sea from space -- from the pinnacle of humanity's breaching the breastworks of geology. When the carbon consumes and the biome is returned to the margins -- a chemical epoch -- will the great male/female tension be released? What other ways? 
I am looking at my two hands in front of me. I call them my hands as if I possessed them but I do not. My hands are the intrinsic me in each moment. If one were gone, I would be a different person -- no, I am each moment a different person. I would issue into the present along a different trajectory. I don't know if I look upon any part of myself more than my hands, or anything more at all. They are so often in and readily available to my field of vision. What measure of my desires comes through my eyes and my hands, I wonder. The clock I am looking at gives me an estimation of my perpetual rebirthing, as if I could count the sixty unit measure of myselves in each minute. That is a false perception. The clock is modeled upon the world I stand on, and at the same time, see from space. Its roundness bulges like the Earth; its arbitrary boundaries are analogous to those invisible grids upon the globe. All analogies are as false as borders. The Earth is not male, nor the sea female. The hands of the clock point up toward space: 
A blue face. Eyes winking.

18 September 2015

Postcard 38



Have we ever been at peace? Have I? The spinning world would spin us off into the shrugging of space. Maybe at peace, we get sucked into a star. At peace a glow worm elysium. At peace the cicadas' rotting clock. At peace a loose nail in a board. At peace no longer waging. Can that even be? If we are to go on we must go on as action. There is no word that holds more action than 'wage'. We wage wars, the most magnificent worldwide affront to the created. We wage and wage. Dams are built, channels cut, bricks and asphault laid, matter stacked higher and higher, we thrust out and into. I'm sick of action men, the great ones, the doers. Men who must know an answer -- the gauge of a pipe, the speed, the right screw. The value of a thing. Men who step upon and pride themselves at being stepped on. Can a man do nothing but wage? Build and destroy? What about life, the created? Man can be nothing but barely superfluous, hunting and fighting, waging because of his disposability. Who can do the opposite of wage? Not dead peace,  Who can do creation and annihilation?

What is more incongruous than a woman with a gun?

16 September 2015

Postcard 37


I Must Decline the Invitation I Will Not Receive (Country song)

Well, its true I know the groom
But I used to know the bride
I can't feel his fists no more
But I'll always feel her sighs

To be a man's a solid thing
Two quiet paddles in the sea
I for him and him for me
Always, but for once, we took each other's side

He was my best friend, I knew the groom
But just that once, I knew the bride
A man don't change. Still, I know his voice, his smell and his broad figure
But a woman, well I hear you never can swim within the same river

It was the wine. No, that's a lie
It was the darkness always there
A wild dark moon, dark stars, wild eyes, wild flesh, wild hair
Sometimes you must destroy a thing, or at the least, you try

Yes, I still know the groom
But I truly knew the bride
No bride deserves a whiter dress
No groom should have more pride

There'll be no seat for me, no toast
I'll drink at home to their celebration
But I've sent one gift, no box or card, but just an invocation
That they'll have an absence never filled
                              -- I've given them a ghost

15 September 2015

Postcard 36


Oh woman -- into the world through you; your legs the masticating swallowing mouth of the world. And it hurt and bruised that little death, but your lips embraced each inch of me. The stargate, the eternal return, the cant never go home again. I spent all life trying for that again and again, can't I just crawl inside? Masticating legs, stretched hips like an ash white bow. Stretched hips like mountains pushed up in mantled eons. Melted stone, warm magma. A little death and a clean bright world. A bright cry out. Its no wonder you moan, its no mystery. Its no wonder I cry out. Its nothing but mystery, new! Hold my head in the cusp of the new world, hold me supine upon your dark breasts and morphine mother's milk for the too much new world. Nepenthe nipple, a tender but violent lotus flower taste. A  new fissure ever unfillable. Oh woman. Woman when I gaze, it is all because of you. Oh woman, how did you feed my navel? Glory Glory Glory, every pain is birthed from you. The new world, the bright new world, is from you. The desire is from you. The end the end is for you.  When I finally return will your legs embrace me, will you crush me again between your hips, will I swim within you again and cry out through my navel? and will there be a new bright world to wound us?

13 September 2015

Postcard 35



I work best
a) 15 percent
b) more than 15 percent
c) Man, be real. Be real
d) when I'm juggling several projects at once
e)under close supervision. Despots.

After a client hires me and we agree on a deadline, I
a) Hey, look what came outta my pen!
b) You cannot be fucking serious. Fuck with the bull, get the horns
c) You're pretty much messing with me and
     I'm convinced its not your intention but you confuse me.
     I'm trying so hard
d) copy anything; this stems from the idea of not copying,
     but actually using the elements as your design
e)...

My last big mistake was
a) men would rather have their fill of sleep, love
    and singing and dancing than of war
b & c) Is so dated and in our qualified opinion may have been executed
     at about this date
d) made because I had too much on my mind
e) I believe that I'm viewed as very expendable and the large agencies
    are interested only in keeping more profits

My office and/or drawing table looks like
a) nature provides
b) a layout for architectural digest
c) llll llll llll llll llll llll llll llll llll llll llll
d) just total bullshit
e) ?

My Motto is
a) the moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on
b) can't get under it. so wide, can't get around it; you must come in
    at the door of earth: nobody wants you when you're down and out!
    ...of mamie's sins and sorrows: if you can't give a dollar, give me
    a lousy dime. I wanna feed that hungry man of mine.
c) pressure and chaos are midwives of creativity
d) in short, this is just capitalism at work. Supply and demand.
e) What you do will never be good enough


Please fill out and return

Postcard 34


"There is a human heart on the beach!" The california sea hare is the largest known gastropod. It lives in shallow salt water. It is herbivorous and takes on the hue of whatever it eats. It has an organ that produces a poison that makes it inedible to al but the most voracious of predators, the starfish anemone, which will just eat around the offending parts. When frightened, startled or unexpectedly stimulated, the sea hare emits a pungent purple dye. It is unlikely the sea hare experiences fear; it has only a rudimentary nervous system. The sea hares that I see are all red and dying. They live in the eel grass beds and wash up on our gentle beach. They can be the size of a dinner plate, but most are the size of a fist, or a heart. They are washing up en masse, a dozen or more with each tide. Are they dying because of global warming, pollution, ocean acidification...? Quite the contrary. They are dying because they have over-succeeded. As I stated, they are the size of a human heart, the hue and texture of a heart as well. Before they expire they respirate gently and rhythmically. The human heart also lives in shallow salt water. The human heart is also incapable of fear and responds instinctually. On the beach the sea hares eventually die and putrefy -- food for the flies until the tide takes them back out. Alive and in the water, the sea hare un-chambers itself and can swim, translucent and graceful, rippling and beautiful. Swimming freely, they resemble nothing so much as the human female sex organ, the labia. The labia, too, is connected to tidal rhythms and cannot experience fear. No one has yet complained of disembodies labias in the water.



Off postcard note: The california sea hare is hermaphroditic, and participates in sexual congress as both male and female at once, forming sex chains of up to twenty animals, lasting for hours or even days, even though the mechanics take only a few minutes.